Does It Go Backwards?
Loneliness is the price of freedom, and grief is the price of love.
Everything nowadays feels fleeting, life, love, time all the things in between. How strange it is, we have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. A part we thought we wouldn’t bother much about, like an anchor trying to float in the ocean, it always fall.
Another day passes by, the wind blows me away, my brain turned and twisted until I met life. You catch mild cases of it here and there with some people you meet, it’s all superficial.
There’s something about losing every good thing you thought you’d never get. I don’t quite remember what it feels like to experience pleasure anymore. I’m incredibly overwhelmed by the ideas I’ve been having. I wish I just could lie in bed and daydreaming about the light at the end of the tunnel.
Still dreaming and hope for something. Life hasn’t been easy right now and the faith is rocky. A hollow sense of sadness, but not the extent of it. Longing is a curse I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Lines filled with whispers of broken dreams, false hope, broken puzzle pieces, flickering ember, thriving in life, the echoes of silent.
A sunny day, filled with laughter and joy, filled with smiles and hugs. But now, cold shocking through me like lightning the ground, so cold it burns my fingertips, I let go now. Not sure why I’ve been holding on to something a trick of that subconscious.
Just one more, my mind tricks me. As I light it up and take another hit. I know that I am just daydreaming. I am sitting on the bench again thinking about it’s so easy to lose faith in the divine. But harder to lose faith in misery. Some myths become truth if told with enough conviction and the listener become a believer with enough desperation. I’m scrambling trying to keep things from falling apart. When I finally manage to put things back together again, they’re never quite the same, aren’t they?
The burning desire, devouring all thought, grasping that thin red thread that I pull too hard, every stitch now begins to loosen. I’m getting tears, tears, cold tears, dripping, falling, it’s quiet, it’s silent. The voices, oh the voices, they keep haunting. The constant tears at the side of your eyes go unnoticed. Does it ever even out? Does the satisfaction ever out live the pain? Does the problem fall more than the solution? Swirling in nothingness and a vastness of emptiness. The black hole seems like no escaping the dark abyss.
So here we are a bunch of lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less, trying to find a way through dreams and blurry days, trying to find a reason in life’s and staying up late, trying to run away from growing up.
I don’t know why I hope it still there, I wish I could erase it all away.
I wish, I wish, I wish…
It would go away.
Replied xxxxxx : I’m so sorry things aren’t great right now, but you’re right, don’t give up no matter what!!
Replied xxxx : I hope you know that you deserve it all, the whole world and all the goodness in there!!!
Replied xxxxxxx : If you’re reading this, I pray that everything you’ve been praying and hoping for will fall into place in the right time.
