ordinary woman

all my faith suddenly disappears. yet i am trapped in this flesh. no, it’s not cage anymore. find myself surrounded by the walls of fears. have u ever been so sad that you just want to be left alone, but at the same time u wish there was someone who u can talk to??

i feel like sometimes it is all too loud. i feel so empty. i feel like i have this bad habit of getting close to people and thinking that their gonna leave me very soon *i know*. i have this bad habit of caring for people when they don’t even caring for me (?) feel like I’m not anyone’s first choice. everyone think that i’m special, i’m pretty and smart and i’m cool but i didn’t see it in myself. depression, loneliness, emptyness it hit me like a truck, and more like a disease i think.

it’s ironic how my fear of abandonment has caused me to push everyone away. sometimes i can feel everyone getting sick of me, because i am. It’s strange isn’t it?? u feel like ur heart burns and burns but suddenly turns to ice. that’s what i feel everyday. i am terrified by how quickly people change their minds. it fucking terrifies me to think about someone.

tired of feeling like shit, tired of this empty hole in my chest. tired of knowing how to make it thru the next day. i don’t feel normal. it’s like i can’t talk normaly these days. it’s like i can’t rely on anyone not even myself.

well, maybe i’m not the kind of beautiful that people told me (?) well who am i then?? why can’t i appreciate myself like everyone appreciate myself….

it’s hurt to see that we are replaceable… easy to find. But, is it the same? the taste?

u know what ur living right now is a lie isn’t it?